Friends

There was an office event a fortnight ago. The organizer or rather the person-in-charge had a miscommunication somewhere with a friend of mine regarding the running of the show. She was mistaken my friend as me and that had been settled right on. As my friend was entrusted with a task for the event, I was still not involved as I had something else to attend to.

Later when I got to know that my task was cancelled, being a good friend I am, I informed him. Initially I had already agreed to help him out with his task, in preparing the speech that is. I offered my assistance though previously there was already a task in hand. Instead of asking me to assist him with the task he practically wanted me to take up the task and let him off the hook. What a friend! He had the cheek to blame me for the task he got saying that the task was actually mine to take. He said that he accepted the task on my behalf and the task was rightfully mine. Since when does a person accepts a task on behalf of another person. Though I had taken similar tasks in the past that does not entitled me as the owner of the task. A true friend surely would not want to trouble another friend with more work. I have never accepted tasks on his behalf and I expected the same. I truly do not get this.

He let of his steam in front of my office and even said that he regretted helping me out. What help? Does he mean accepting the task on my behalf as helping a friend? Does putting me to the task while he backed out is defined as helping me? I was dragged into the picture without me knowing. I did not know anything about the task yet the organizer had been telling my friend that I had all the details. I went to one of the meeting still, and in her exact words, the lady organizer said that I was never involved. They just needed me to help out my friend with the speech preparation, basically work behind the scene. Later I went to my friend’s room and explained the whole situation clearly but did he listen. Nope. I was never at fault and I would never stab him in the back. Being in the office/organization longer than I am, he should know better how the seniors act and carry out their task or duties. Juniors like us always being pushed around and taken advantage of. He should know that. We should outsmart them and stick together. But did he listen? Nope. After all that explanation, after all that I had done to bail him out, he still thinks that I was at fault. It is easy pointing fingers to blame others. He just wanted somebody to blame and sadly his fingers are pointing at me, a friend he had known for nearly a decade. What a friend he is!

Knowing that he was uncomfortable and somehow trapped in the task, I tried to bail him out. This was all after he let off his steam. I told the lady organizer that this was too much. She had better appoint somebody else neither me nor my friend, as things were going to get worse. That lady did not listen. I got her to at least ask him whether he is still on for the task or is he uncomfortable with the job. The lady asked him and he said he is ok with the task. Now why would he do that? I thought if he is not ok with the task, just say so. I had done my best to let him off the hook, both of us. Now he said he wants the task. I am confused. He had the second chance to back out but he did not. Later he said that he wanted to look good in front of the seniors/management. And if that is the case, do not blame me. Do not go around with that sour face. Why should he blame me of the task when he wanted to look good? Why still blame me when I am not the one who appointed him to the task? Why blame me while he accepted the task when he had the chance to get out? Now my friend and I are not on talking terms. At least he is. I am still the same me like before all of this ever happened. Well what to do. He simply can blame me over something that I did not do, when we have been friends for 10 years. Where is justice in that? He should know me better as I know him very well. Hopefully, one day he will realize his mistakes and change for the better. However, I am not going to be bogged down by this petty thing. One thing for sure, Life goes on.

C’est la vie

Patience pays off

Finally what I have been waiting for is here. The waiting game is over and I have received what I was expecting all this while. In fact it was more than I could have imagined and after this everything comes pouring in one after the other. My money.

I have managed to settle a lot of bills, came at par with the loans, settle this and settle that, pay this and pay that and the bottom line is I managed to put myself in the black again. What a relief! It's like a big rock has been moved off me. On top of that settlement, I managed to put some for my family holiday trip to a neighbouring country; plane tickets, food and hotel, pocket money and etc. I even have enough for mom, mys sisters and brother, nephews and nieces, aunties and uncles and the less fortunate. The best part was even while using the money that I already received, money from other sources (legal, mind you!) also came pouring in. And the best of all things is that I managed to put aside some huge (by my standard) savings and still have some left for anything that could crop up later. At the same time, other offers for that could churn money came knocking at my door as well.

I know that I should not be blinded by the amount of money coming in lest forgetful of the trying times. I should be grateful and spend wisely or rather it is better to be safe than sorry. I might never know when I would be in dire need of money again or when will I get to pass the path of wealth again.

Money, money and more money...

An interesting topic indeed. Though almost everybody loves money, some may think the opposite as the saying goes "Money is the root of all evil." So some may avoid it albeit not completely, some may go for it, some may seem contend with it and some seem could not get enough of it.

As for me I don't really crave for more money but if I have them it would be better. I think I am a simple person with basic needs and not something out of the norm. I consider myself neither a frugal nor spendthrift person because I spend money wisely. But it seems that the money I have is not enough. I do try to look for ways and means to generate more money just to make ends meet but the money earned is not to my expectation (even though my expectation is not much). I do not want to sound ungrateful.

Maybe this is one of those times where God is testing me of my patience and my virtues. But I am in a dire need of money. Luckily I don't resort to anything illegal or immoral. Sometimes I am in the position waiting for money to be deposited and at the same time things that need you to spend money on, come pouring in. I just moved to a new house and still there are minor things to be done but I can't attend to them because no money available just yet. Around the same time, I got a ticket for driving without a valid licence (expired 3 weeks ago, didn't realized it). The price of petrol just increased which makes things worst. That spells extra on the expenditure list. Now my son is going to pre-school, I need money for the fees, bus fares, computer lessons. The maid needs to be paid. The investment is in a legal problem. The car needs servicing and so does the airconditioner unit. Missed out on 2 months house installments. Study loan, Credit cards bills, Utility bills. Need to pay for this and that. The list goes on and on without saying. A lot of things crop up at the wrong time.

But one thing I can look forward too is that money is coming in. Hopefully I can settle a lot of things when the money comes in and I can have a peace of mind.

Marriage and Affairs...

A friend of mine asked me once, "Do married couples have affairs because they are unhappy"? I truly believe this is an interesting question that make an interesting topic. The question is not an easy one to answer. But to me personally, the answer to that question is both yes and no. It is not plain and simple like some might think. Though I am no expert in this, but there are a few factors that could contribute to this. I believe by looking at these factors, we can perhaps try to understand why things happen and equipped with such knowledge we can try to find the remedy.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they are not ready for marriage just yet but they think they are. They failed to see the shared responsibility that comes with marriage. When confronted with that they are taken aback and seek outside solution (affairs) albeit temporarily. They feel no obligation or responsibility whatsoever in the affairs unlike in their marriage.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they did not manage to close the curtain in their previous relationship (if they are not married to the same person they were courting). What I am trying to say here is before they are married, they have a relationship with someone else but ended up marrying someone else. It drags on even after marriage because there was no stopping to that relationship. So the previous relationship turns into affairs.

Some married couples really could not let go of their past habits. When you got married you have to let go of certain things, certain past times, certain habits etc. But some of the married couples think life should carry on the way it was before marriage. They think wrongly. In order for a marriage to work, there have to be some sacrifices. If one fails to see this, there are going to be problems. This in turn leads to spending too much your time with whoever is in your circle of friends before you got married and suddenly enough you realized you are in a middle of an affair.

Some immature couples think that marriage is a bed of roses, spending the time with your loved ones, that you cherished and pledged to be with for the rest of your life. In actual life it is not. Sometimes you are faced with a bed of thorns, completely or partially. Full of thorns; it is like a kid having a bad stepmother (read cinderella). Partially; you have a fair share of ups and downs. But some couples failed to see this. Things are not happening like what they had in mind. They start comparing why on earth is my partner like this? like that? Why can't she be more like Robert's wife? Why can't he be more like Marie's husband? Things that you never notice when you were still courting. Ever heard about: Marriage is the stage where you realized you want what others have or what you don't have. This is what happens.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they stick to the proverb rather seriously; if you have them, flaunt them. These people are in the embrace of finance, stability, health, security etc. and they are lulled by these factors. So they might be thinking, since they can afford all the luxuries of life why not go into an affair. Meaning the husband could be surrounded by girls going for the luxuries and since he can afford it, he will do as he please. The wife, who is not in a right frame of mind, may be picking up stares by others who would take advantage of the situation. Suddenly she is in a relationship with the gardener just because he is always around compared to the husband. And the husband spends more time with other girls whom pleases him more than the wife.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they want to check whether they still have the flair to attract the opposite sex. Some may wish to test whether do they still have it. Is their pick up line still good enough? Is their looks still as sharp as ever? Is their body still sexy and appealing?

Some married couples turn to affairs unintentionally. Sometimes things happen at home and it surfaces at the workplace or among friends. Then there is this someone whom one can turn to, like a shoulder to cry on. In the beginnning it does not involve anything besides sharing problems, but later as time goes by, things get friendlier, things get more great concern. Then that person feels that this is the person who understands him/her better than the spouse/partner. This could turn into and affair if one is not careful enough.

Some married couples turn to affairs because to get even. If the husband/wife can do it, why can't I. This is truly a sick mentality. Getting even for the wrong reason.

These are some of the things I can say about marriage and affairs. Well to me it is not about unhappiness alone. There are a lot of things but they stem from dissatisfaction and misunderstading. But luckily there is a remedy to this which can be taken before marriage or after marriage, before it goes on the rocks or while it is on the rocks. As long as one puts an effort and sincerely wants to make the marriage works, this medicine is going to perform as promised or like a charm.

The medicine is: Constant communication, rational thinking and understanding.

Time Management

Sometimes I feel so restless, drowning in the sea of tasks. Mountains load of work in the same time frame. I know that we have to manage time appropriately and I am all for it. Sometimes I even pass comments that all the knowledge, advices and information about time management are all logic enough to have been thought by us. We do not really have to get them from others. It is logic enough, plain and simple that we have to manage our time properly.

Yet I failed to do just that. But I do not blame myself rather the situation itself. I do not procrastinate so the workload piling up is out of the question. I try my level best to manage my time so I don't waste it on unnecessary things. I organize my tasks and set priorities to them. I am a considerate person and helpful (well, at least I see myself as such) and therefore I do not think people would turn to me to run their errands. But tasks do come pouring in despite all the things I've said just now. Then what seems to be the problem?

I think the answer lies with other factors like the situation, the people, the organization the task itself. Sometimes it just so happen that someting needs to be done when you have just step into the office, or you just so happen to be the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the wrong time, or the wrong person at the right time, as a matter of fact. There could not be a right person at the right time, because when it involves credit and recognition, there bound to be your superiors having a go at it.

Sometimes the answer is in the people. No matter how hard you try to be friendly with everybody, and safe from harms way, there tends to be people who could simply pick you for some chores or tasks. This could be either out of something bad or nothing at all. They simply want you to do something or they pick you to get even on something. All this while you have been at your level best to play safe avoiding any confrontation. But you still got picked. Worst case scenario, your friends choose you in the name of help.

There are also politics in any organization. If the management decides to do something and it works, they get the credit but if it fails, the people running it get the scolding. The management have a lot of ad hoc works on top of the actual ones. Paying attention to these ad hoc works stray you away from your actual job. The management want you to be flexible, and adaptive to the environment on the grounds of fluidity. If you fail to balance both, you face the firing squad. How can that be? The people who preach of time management and priority fail to practice the very same thing that they preach. The irony of things.

At other times task itself could simply find its way to you. You are the one that the management can think of that suit the task in hand. No other people could outdo you in performing the job. You are the saviour of the management and the organization. All those craps are laid out to you so that you would buy them, complete the job, and they can get back to their ordinary lives again. Then again you do not get the credit you deserve and things would go like as if nothing happen. Their life-or-death dependency on you seems to fade and everybody lives again.

I am in the middle of a workshop, at the same time preparing my materials for my class as well as preparing the materials for the new course in the soon coming semester, preparation to move into a new house, trying to sell the old house and other important stuff. I have to balance this together with the day-to-day job at the office. One thing I know is that I have to uptake all these as challenges and in the end I have to appear triumphant.
Viva