Marriage and Affairs...

A friend of mine asked me once, "Do married couples have affairs because they are unhappy"? I truly believe this is an interesting question that make an interesting topic. The question is not an easy one to answer. But to me personally, the answer to that question is both yes and no. It is not plain and simple like some might think. Though I am no expert in this, but there are a few factors that could contribute to this. I believe by looking at these factors, we can perhaps try to understand why things happen and equipped with such knowledge we can try to find the remedy.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they are not ready for marriage just yet but they think they are. They failed to see the shared responsibility that comes with marriage. When confronted with that they are taken aback and seek outside solution (affairs) albeit temporarily. They feel no obligation or responsibility whatsoever in the affairs unlike in their marriage.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they did not manage to close the curtain in their previous relationship (if they are not married to the same person they were courting). What I am trying to say here is before they are married, they have a relationship with someone else but ended up marrying someone else. It drags on even after marriage because there was no stopping to that relationship. So the previous relationship turns into affairs.

Some married couples really could not let go of their past habits. When you got married you have to let go of certain things, certain past times, certain habits etc. But some of the married couples think life should carry on the way it was before marriage. They think wrongly. In order for a marriage to work, there have to be some sacrifices. If one fails to see this, there are going to be problems. This in turn leads to spending too much your time with whoever is in your circle of friends before you got married and suddenly enough you realized you are in a middle of an affair.

Some immature couples think that marriage is a bed of roses, spending the time with your loved ones, that you cherished and pledged to be with for the rest of your life. In actual life it is not. Sometimes you are faced with a bed of thorns, completely or partially. Full of thorns; it is like a kid having a bad stepmother (read cinderella). Partially; you have a fair share of ups and downs. But some couples failed to see this. Things are not happening like what they had in mind. They start comparing why on earth is my partner like this? like that? Why can't she be more like Robert's wife? Why can't he be more like Marie's husband? Things that you never notice when you were still courting. Ever heard about: Marriage is the stage where you realized you want what others have or what you don't have. This is what happens.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they stick to the proverb rather seriously; if you have them, flaunt them. These people are in the embrace of finance, stability, health, security etc. and they are lulled by these factors. So they might be thinking, since they can afford all the luxuries of life why not go into an affair. Meaning the husband could be surrounded by girls going for the luxuries and since he can afford it, he will do as he please. The wife, who is not in a right frame of mind, may be picking up stares by others who would take advantage of the situation. Suddenly she is in a relationship with the gardener just because he is always around compared to the husband. And the husband spends more time with other girls whom pleases him more than the wife.

Some married couples turn to affairs because they want to check whether they still have the flair to attract the opposite sex. Some may wish to test whether do they still have it. Is their pick up line still good enough? Is their looks still as sharp as ever? Is their body still sexy and appealing?

Some married couples turn to affairs unintentionally. Sometimes things happen at home and it surfaces at the workplace or among friends. Then there is this someone whom one can turn to, like a shoulder to cry on. In the beginnning it does not involve anything besides sharing problems, but later as time goes by, things get friendlier, things get more great concern. Then that person feels that this is the person who understands him/her better than the spouse/partner. This could turn into and affair if one is not careful enough.

Some married couples turn to affairs because to get even. If the husband/wife can do it, why can't I. This is truly a sick mentality. Getting even for the wrong reason.

These are some of the things I can say about marriage and affairs. Well to me it is not about unhappiness alone. There are a lot of things but they stem from dissatisfaction and misunderstading. But luckily there is a remedy to this which can be taken before marriage or after marriage, before it goes on the rocks or while it is on the rocks. As long as one puts an effort and sincerely wants to make the marriage works, this medicine is going to perform as promised or like a charm.

The medicine is: Constant communication, rational thinking and understanding.