USEFUL SURVIVAL TIPS @ THE WORKPLACE

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says : " Normally, one is granted three wishes, but as you are three, I will allow one wish each. " So the eager senior manager shouted : " I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff ?. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted : " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. " Pfufffff ?. And he was also gone. The boss calmly said : " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.30 pm. "

MORAL OF THE STORY : ALWAYS LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, " Listen," said the CEO, " this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" " Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. " Excellent, excellent! " said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. " I just need one copy. "

LESSON # 2 : NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING

LESSON 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked " What kind of -ese are you ? " The Japanese, confused, replied : " Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean. " The American repeated : " What kind of -ese are you ? " Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled : " What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese !, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied : " Oh, I am a Japanese. " A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled : " What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?! " The Japanese said, " Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee ? "

LESSON No 3 : NEVER INSULT ANYONE

LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys --- a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who together found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said : " Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true. " The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted : " Wine ! " The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was very happy, swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn. He did the same and shouted : " Vodka ! " and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted : " Beer ! " He was likewise very contented with his beer-filled pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, " Shit !!!!!!!..... ...."

LESSON# 4 : ALWAYS THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN !

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up.

Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.

Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food for the brain.

Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.

Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and s tayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever. Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE THAT IS TRULY IN CHARGE